


Loves Me, Loves Me Not

by awhitelilium



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: But different, Friendship, M/M, Music, Onesided Love, Poetry, based on What Can I Do trilogy, kinda angsty, school!au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:28:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23216290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awhitelilium/pseuds/awhitelilium
Summary: You know the game "Loves me, loves me not", right? You pick up a flower - and, little by little, you pull off one petal a time. He loves me - the first one. He loves me not - the second one. And then he loves me again - the third one. When you do this game, you won't ever start with the "loves me not" - you could, but you won't. You always begin with positive thoughts. That's why when the last petal is a "loves me not", I leave the flower on his desk: he will pull off the petal and say "he loves me". Because I do.And that's why  I just leave the flower on a bench or in the grass when the last petal says "he loves me". Because he doesn't.
Relationships: Kang Younghyun | Young K/Park Sungjin, Kim Wonpil/Park Jaehyung | Jae
Comments: 29
Kudos: 39





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my native language. Please, help me out if you find anything wrong.  
> Make sure to leave a comment and let me know what you think about it!  
> Thank you so much, guys.

Brian has two habits.  
The first one is reading poems every morning. He just loves opening a casual page and reading about anything sorted out. He likes to think fate wants him to know something new every day. Is the poem sad? Maybe it will be a hard day, or maybe it was essential for him to understand those words. Is it about nature? Then, maybe, he must pay more attention to the blossoming cherry trees, and listen to Wonpil more thoroughly when he rumbles about this or that flower.  
Poems describe his feeling before he could figure them out. He could read the same words and find out more and more meanings. It isn't unusual finding him wondering about that lexicon or this sentence. Brian Kang wants to understand every emotion. He wants to understand people.  
It is a quite utopic purpose and the literature major knows it.  
Feelings are complex. People are open books written in various unknown languages. And one book, in particular, looks even impossible to open to him.  
Here comes his second habit.  
Every time he feels like, he picks up a daisy and starts pulling off every petal. Everyone minus one. Then, he just keeps the excruciated flower between his fingers and sets his imagination free.  
That morning, his poem book showed him Rainer Maria Rilke's words about the exact feeling he has felt in his chest since the night before.  
He can't help but keeps reading those words, trying to deny to himself the cause of his own emotion. But the poem is speaking directly to him.

_How shall I hold on my soul,_   
_so that it doesn't touch yours?_

The young boy walks repeating those lines in his mind. Sometimes, he feels like he just can't hold his soul back. Sometimes, he feels like he has to let it be, and reach out to the one it wants to touch. And those times are insanely painful.

"Brian!" a voice yells his name, inducing him to turn back in surprise.

The figure of a tall guy is running towards him. The blond hair bounces funny on his head, the glasses are a bit crooked on the tiny nose. The boy has a messy look: you can tell he has had the worst day of his life. Yet, he greets as he's sprinting towards his mate. Brian smiles as he recognizes his best friend.  
Jae is older than him, but somehow he seems a lot like a hyped teen. He is that kind of guy who hides his insecurities over an oversized hoodie, fake round gold glasses, and an eccentric attitude. No matter the situation, Jae is always trying to cheer everyone up. He had assumed this character himself.  
But Brian knows that Jae has constantly stressed himself over being entertaining, even when he hasn't felt like to. This is why his American friend has often found himself in looking for some space, some time alone to recharge from people. During those times, Jae would look for Brian. His company makes him feel calm: he doesn't have to be funny. He can be his quiet and introverted self.

"Did you leave Wonpil behind?" Brian smirks.

  
"Yeah. Man, he was giving me a hard time. He wouldn't shut up, no matter what I say. And kept trying to hug me, show me affection, and do that stupid aegyo thing he knows I hate." Jae looks exasperate. Brian takes a moment to read the odd expression on his face. The guilty about not-bearing Wonpil's behavior is in his eyes. Jae is like that. His relationship with Wonpil has always been like that during the past two years. Brian doesn't say a thing but smiles. He rolls a daisy between his finger, the first one that spring.  
A cold breeze rises while they walked silently to their dorm. It wasn't bad taciturnity. It was comfortable. They know both of them need some time to think. The spring start is a troublesome time.  
It is a typical sunny day: the wind is nice, the sun hot. Some little birds have already begun their happy chanting. Even cherry trees start to color the streets. Everyone seems happy as nature is blossoming again - everyone but Brian.

"I hate spring," Brian says, out of nowhere.

  
"Did you pick up the first one already?" to Jae's question, the other shows the daisy in his finger.

  
Jae smiles in sadness. "Why do you always pull off all the petals, menus one?"

  
"Just because." and they both understand it is a lie, nobody says anything. Neither Jae gets the chance. In front of the building, a familiar figure stands up. Large shoulder, black hair - even from that distance, Brian can see the pierced ears. The younger freezes in place, making his friend stop. The two of them stare at the figure: he is kissing a girl gently, a hand on her cheek, eyes closed.  
Brian knows well those eyes: half-moons full of kindness.

"Is it today?"

  
"They got together one year ago."

  
"Are you okay?"

  
Brian doesn't answer. He feels a lump in his throat while watching the guy smiling to his girlfriend, hugging her.

  
"I miss him," he states, instead. Jae nods.

  
"Do you need time?"

  
He shakes his head even though the pain on his chest is now suffocating him. "Let's go inside. I want to take a nap."

  
The two of them walk through the couple. SungJin doesn't even notice the presence of his best friends. They are just people who entered the building: they've been "just people" for a year, now. He doesn't notify the weird daisy the wind brought to his feet. It has only one petal left.

Spring is Kim Wonpil's favorite season. People ever assume nothing different from a florist. The season of flowers, of lilies and daisies. Everything was born again in spring. Wonpil rises again with nature. He's always smiling, feeling a huge amount of strength in his chest. When spring is near, Wonpil could carry the world on his shoulder. He couldn't understand why his friends are that moody when the weather starts to be cool. Brian is always holding a poor daisy, sighing while looking at the only petal he didn't remove. Jae keeps dodging him, saying he felt sleepy, or he isn't in the right spirit.  
During those lonely times, Wonpil gets himself missing SungJin. The older guy was always in the mood to talk about something or have a good meal with him. He couldn't think the last time he had a proper conversation with the music major. They have been meeting in the corridors, in the canteen - but rarely exchange more than a bland greeting. Deep in his heart, Wonpil misses the time with the group of the four of them.  
The time spent watching movies and stealing Brian's popcorn, just to throw them on SungJin's sleeping face. The time wasted in the library together or the one passed in the dorm kitchen cooking ramyon at midnight. Everything changed when SungJin had started falling for Jieun.  
There is no "four of them" anymore.

Wonpil sighs.  
He feels so miserable, so alone - Jae left him in the hall, not keeping his promise to come with him to the little flower shop. He hasn't seen Brian all day. No customer entered the shop, the seconds was just passing by, idly. The only noise in the room is the slightly ticking of the clock. Everything is still.  
The young florist grumbles. For some reason, all he could think is his friends, the way they got apart. Nothing was the same.  
And he just needs someone to talk to.  
He is lost in this kind of thought when the door opens.  
A boy about his age is looking around, clueless.

"May I help you?" the cashier speaks out loud, making the other jump in astonishment.

  
"Oh...Hi!" his ears turn red almost immediately. Wonpil lets a little smile be on his lips as he starts scanning the shy boy. His black curly fringe is long enough to cover the adorable eyes. His teeth are giving trouble to the thin lips. He recognizes the same uniform he wears.

  
"I... I had booked a bouquet for my mom. I need it for this evening."

  
"Oh, right! What's the name?"

  
"Yoon Dowoon."


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi people! How are you? I hope you're safe and healthy. Please, take care of yourself and your family.  
> The quarantine gives me plenty of time to write - so here I am again. I'm putting so much effort into this story. Please, leave a comment and let me know what you think about it.  
> Thank you so much for reading!

"Why are you here?" Jae rumbles from his bed as soon as the door opens. Wonpil stands there, the door half-opened.

"I live here, remember?" asks, a grin on his face. Jae groans.

"Why do you have to live here? Couldn't find another place?"

"You're mean."

"You woke me up."

"You always sleep!"

"And you _always_ wake me up!"

"Because you're always sleeping!"

"That doesn't even make sense." trying to go back to sleep is now pointless. Eyes open, Jae's now stretching his long arms.

"Where's Brian?" Wonpil aks. 

"He went to his grandparents, he'll be back tonight. Why aren't you with your family?"

"Mom and dad went on a holiday and my sister is staying with her boyfriend. We're stuck together. Aren't you happy?"

"Thrilled." sarcasm is the main reason they were always bickering. 

To be fair, Wonpil is the main reason. He's tried so hard to get close to Jae he started to get annoying. Aegyo, physical touch, laughs about how pitiful Jae looks. He has been driving Jae insane for over a year, now. Lately, random slaps started. Brian somehow knew this was their thing. No matter the bickering or the mean jokes, Wonpil and Jae were always looking for each other. When things get too far, the literature major turns up the music so loud they aren't even able to hear each other. Other times he just yells to make them stop. 

It was different when they were friends with SungJin. The latter always took care of their arguments scolding them in vain. 

"Shall we try to talk to SungJin?" Wonpil suggests suddenly.

"Why?"

"I mean, we were a great team. I know Jieun is with her parents, so he must be here."

"Maybe he went to Busan."

"Or maybe not. I miss the old times, hyung. Brian has changed since then." His tone is so sad, Jae doesn't even dare to talk back. He's right: Brian has changed. Brian used to be annoying and cheering. They had the most amazing time together - Jae himself even started to consider him as a brother. But when SungJin abandoned them, he just shut off. During good days he was back to cheering and mocking, but it wasn't the same. 

"I miss the old times too." he sighs. "But we have to wait. I promise you we'll find a way to have everyone back."

"Brian should talk to him."

"He will. Let's give him time."

As soon as silence filled the room again, Jae fell back to sleep.

_Even honey is bitter if you take it as a medicine._

SungJin echoes this saying in his mind, trying to get over his mom's words. Of course, he didn't argue with her. He has to respect the woman who gave him birth. Not that he could call himself a mommy boy. He just knows he can't fight his mom. If his parents aren't content with his degree, then he couldn't say anything. 

It was the 8th of May, and SungJin just had lunch with his whole family to celebrate the Parents' Day. Everything was fine. His grandparents were chatting happily about his sister, who just sent them a postcard from New York. SungJin just smiled listening to all the praises about how hard-working she was. 

"She said she was coming back to Busan. I can't wait to meet her boyfriend!" 

"I'm happy for those two. He's so good-looking, and from a good family."

SungJin sighed. He just knew where the debate was going.

"SungJin, sweety. Are you still sure about that music degree? You're so smart. Why don't you go for business, instead?" 

"I'm sure, mom. I want to be a professor." 

"But it's so hard to get a tenure nowadays. How are you going to maintain a family?" there wasn't blame in her words, just worries. SungJin's heart fell into his chest. 

"My grades are good, though. I will work hard for this. I promise you, mom."

"Just let him do whatever he wants." the boy couldn't help but smile at his grandpa. "I wanted to be a journalist when I had his age." 

He chuckled and mouthed a "fighting" to his grandson. 

With a sigh, his mother gave up. The room got filled with hungry slurps. 

On the train back to Seoul SungJin can't help but think to his mother's words. Of course, he wants a family. He wants to marry Jieun, one day. What if he wasn't able to make her happy? What if her parents don't allow their relationship?

The train is empty. He doesn't even notice the guy who's just hopped up. 

Unlike SungJin, he's just holding his breath, staring. He wants to talk to him so badly, but something holds him back. As the train starts its run again, Brian has to hold a sustain to walk towards the familiar figure. 

It's been a while since the last time they had a proper conversation. For some reason, his hands are shaking in nervousness. No one would ever believe him if he said the person in front of him had been his best friend since High school. 

The literature major takes a moment to scan the face he knows too well. No matter how much time they spent together in high school, no matter how many times he tried to read that expression, he couldn't. SungJin had always been a closed book. Neither poetry was able to understand him. Every time something upset him, he just wore this expressionless mask and closed the door to whoever was knocking. 

His eyes, though, have always looked like screaming. Those sparkling lights have turned off. Darkness was all you could see in them. Those times scared Brian. Still do. 

_'What's crossing your mind?'_ a question he hasn't the guts to ask out loud. Instead, he takes place in the seat in front of the guy ignoring the pair of eyes he learned to love being stuck on him. 

"It's not taken, right?" Brian's voice cracks as he asks. The older shakes his head. A smile's breaking his cold mask. 

"Tough day, isn't it?" Brian is now trying so hard to not make a scene. He has missed his best friend so much, it was so unreal he could talk to him. The sudden fear the situation could be awkward hit him right back. He didn't consider that possibility. 

SungJin just nods, then just silence. 

_'Damn you, Brian Kang.'_ the foxy eyes reach the window. The silence wasn't calm enough to hear the sound of a heartbreaking.

In his hands a poem book half-read. 

"Have you ever felt like you're not enough?" those words almost had Brian jumping in surprise. 

"What do you mean?"

Sungjin hesitates. Eyes locked on his own hands as he starts to talk. 

"Have you ever felt like no matter what you do, you won't ever be good? I might be proud of myself, but then someone makes anything to make me doubt about that. I might chase a dream, but then I ask myself if I'm just being selfish. What if I won't be able to make my wife happy? What if I fail?" he stops, but Brian just knows there's more. Silence's back between them. "I don't think I can make her happy."

A bitter smile cracks Brian's lips. What a twisted fate. During the past year, Brian had found himself hoping his best friend would break up with that girl. So many times he regretted about this feeling. If SungJin was happy, he should be glad. But it hadn't happened. He missed him every day. 

"You don't love someone for what they achieved in life. People love each other for who they are." he pauses. It's his thing. When Brian's talking about something serious, he pays attention to every word he says. He chooses his words slowly, making sure he wouldn't get misunderstood. "Every day we meet people who demand something from us. This doesn't mean we're not allowed to fail and learn. It means we have to work hard to make ourselves proud, nothing else matters." the younger pauses again, but now he couldn't bear looking in the other's eyes. "You're working so hard to do what makes you happy, and everyone should be proud of you."

 _'I am',_ this thought is spontaneous. Since High School, SungJin had been working hard for his future. He was ambitious, young. But he had his future planned. 

"Why are you so determined to be a teacher?" one day, Brian asked one summer night. They were hanging out at his place, eating fried chicken like they always used to. SungJin's eyes lighted up.

"Just imagine your life without Mrs. Yoo." Brian frowned. Mrs. Yoo was their literature teacher. She loved her job with burning passions; Brian was attracted to her just as a moth to the fire. The woman was on the edge of tears every time she read Yun Dong-Ju out loud. And Brian loved poetry just too much to not be fascinated by her. He could say she was the reason why he'd choose a Literature degree.

"She helped you to find who you want to be." SungJin continued. "You found out your passion for poetry and writings because of her. Maybe, one day, you'll publish a best seller and you'll thank her on the very first page. Being a teacher is not about guide people, but it's helping people leading themself to their happiness." 

"Your students will be so lucky." 

SungJin smiled widely. "I'll do my best."

_"_ I miss you, SungJin." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Please, leave a comment and let me know!  
> Stay safe!


	3. Three.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Midnight talks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter three! I had been struggling with this for so many days, oh my. I hope it's enjoyable anyway.  
> Thank you guys for reading this story - it hit the 115 views! It's amazing, thank you so much.  
> Please, make sure to let me know what you think about this story in the comments.  
> Thank you so much!

  
"Why did you cut the ties with them?" Dowoon looks confused.

  
"It's not like that. We just let everything go. It was something gradual, I didn't mean to lose my friends." 

Days have passed since his Busan trip. But SungJin couldn't stop thinking about his conversation with Brian.   
_I miss you, SungJin._ , those words still echo in the older's head. They kept him awake at night, staring at the ceiling. He needed to talk with someone. He needed someone to tell him what to do. Suddenly, he has felt alone. He couldn't talk about this with Jieun, she wouldn't understand. But who he had besides her?   
That night, out of desperation, he just found himself opening up to his roommate. They are friends, but not as close as he used to be to Wonpil or JaeHyung. They've been known each other for a few weeks now, but get along pretty well. Sometimes Dowoon wouldn't clean after himself after eating, or sometimes he doesn't make his bed and SungJin scolds him a lot about that. They are bearable things, though.   
So, they are on their own beds, SungJin just started to tell the younger the story. 

"Anyway," SungJin continues. "he told me he misses me. But I've always been here."

  
"I don't think he saw you by his side, hyung."

  
"But I was. I mean, me going out with Jieun didn't change things. Our ways parted naturally."

  
"He told you it was Jieun?"

  
"Yeah..." SungJin sighs again. His mind was back to the train, trying to describe clearly what happened. 

_"I miss you guys too," he replied. Something in Brian's look seemed disappointed. But he didn't speak up. He just paused before trying._

_"I know you love her and I'm happy for you, we all are." Brian hesitated. "But we want you back. You had friends, people who cared about you. Don't leave them," the tone sounded more like a beg than a nagging. "Not even if she's the love of your life."_

  
_"I didn't leave you," SungJin argued, but something in Brian's voice sounded so broken he couldn't help but doubt his own words. "We just lost ourselves."_

  
_"No, SungJin, we lost you." The younger underlined those words with sorrow. "You just stopped sitting with us during lunch. And that's fine. You want to spend time with your girlfriend. But you stopped hanging out with us, you stopped coming to our movie nights. Gosh, you said you were too busy even to celebrate my birthday with me."_

_Pain of guilt clenched SungJin's heart. That night he was in his bed, not wanting to see anyone after a bad argument with Jieun. All he could think was Brian. Was he having fun? Was he happy without him? SungJin even thought about going to the small party the guys had organized. But what if he was a mood-killer? It didn't feel right. He couldn't go to Brian's party, too much time passed. He couldn't just go and ruin everything._   
_The rest of the ride went quietly. Brian pretended to read his poem book, but his eyes wouldn't move. SungJin just kept looking at him. An oppressive weight was suffocating him._

"That's bad, hyung." Dowoon voice softens. 

  
"Do you think he's right?"

  
"I don't know. You're a good person, hyung." SungJin wants to thank him, but he doesn't think he deserves the compliment. "If they feel that way, you should prove them wrong though." 

  
"I know you're right. I hope they will accept me again."

  
"They will, hyung," Dowoon reassures.

  
'But will Jieun accept them?', SungJin feels bad for having doubts. That night he falls asleep thinking about Brian. 

"Jae?"

  
"Mh?"

  
"Why do you look so pitiful?" Wonpil smirks, knowing too well what would've followed.

  
"Same reason you look ugly."

  
"You look like Chicken Little."

  
"Don't you ever get tired of being so trivial?"

  
"You are-"

  
"Guys, please." it's late at night, but nobody's sleeping. Brian is writing some words in an old notebook. He does it when something is bothering him: he just writes what comes into his mind. Some times it makes sense, other times it doesn't. He couldn't care less.   
The literature major reads again what's on the blank page. His handwriting is small, tidy - easy to read. Back in High School, SungJin always ended up asking for his notes. Brian smiles remembering his friend's complaints about not being able to understand his own.   
He reads his words again, looking for a meaning.

_"I’m sorry".  
_ _Why was that_   
_So hard to say back then?_   
_Now,_   
_No matter how much I yell_   
_You can’t hear me._   
_Seeing you walk away,_   
_I should’ve caught you then._

He sighs and shuts the notebook close. The room goes quiet. The light is soon turned off.

  
"Brian?" Wonpil breaks the silence. He couldn't see Jae glaring at him in the dark. "Are you still thinking about SungJin?"

  
"If he wasn't, now he is," Jae mutters. A smile breaks Brian's cold expression. He knew the guys have worried about him.

  
"Yeah, I am," he answers. "I accused him of leaving us, he denied. When I put evidence on the table, he just stared at me. I can't stop thinking about it. He didn't even argue."

  
"I wonder how he is doing. I mean, he has been okay with the all 'we lost each others' stuff all this time?" Since Brian told them what happened, Wonpil has been shaken by that. He just couldn't believe SungJin let them go so easily. 

  
"Probably he's thinking about what I said. It will take time before he could figure out what to do." Brian explains in awareness.

  
"Do you think he'll come back?"

  
"I hope he'll come to talk to us." another pause before he adds. "At least, I hope so."

Silence falls again. Soon the room is filled with his friends' deep breaths. Brian guesses they've fallen asleep. His small hands are still clenched around the notebook. His mine is still between the blank pages, where a daisy rests. It has just one petal left.   
The poet wants to hold that flower close. He wants to fool himself just for a moment and belive that daisy is right. He doesn't want to let it go, not yet.   
He closes his eyes and all he can see is SungJin sitting in front of him. The conversation still echoes in his ears.  
 _I miss you, SungJin._  
 _I miss you guys too._  
No matter how he would think about it. Still, it wasn't the same.  
He's content by what his best friend said, it just wasn't the same thing he told him. Brian confessed: the feelings he talked about were his own for him. SungJin was talking about the whole group.   
Brian frowns, still holding the notebook close.   
Still believing in what the daisy said.  
For a moment, Brian wants to believe SungJin will love him back.   
As a soft smile breaks his lips, a tear runs down his cheek. 

The day after that conversation, Wonpil wakes up in a good mood.   
Jae had made a promise and he believes in him. The group would be one again.  
When he closes the door behind him, the room is still filled with deep sleepy breaths. No classes for his two roommates that day.   
Maybe he would've caught them up for lunch.   
He finds himself humming as he walks through the cafeteria.   
"What can I get ya'?" a sleepy voice asks from behind the counter. Wonpil opens his eyes in amazement as he recognizes the barista. 

A wide smile on his lips.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this through.  
> Please, leave a comment below and tell me how it's going.  
> Stay safe, guys!


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dowoon joins the gang

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! This chapter took me a while and I'm still not satisfied. If you have any advice to help me improve, please let me know in the comments!  
> If you want to have a chat, you can find me on twitter: @ggiulily  
> Thank you so much for reading!

"Dowoon-ssi!" "Hyung!" Dowoon smiles in surprise. "I didn't know you were a student at this school."

  
With an enthusiast nod, Wonpil can't hide his happiness, "I am. I recognized the school logo on your shirt, back then. Did your mum like the bouquet?"

  
"Oh, she loved it. I could swear her eyes got wet a little bit."

  
"For real?" The genuine delight on Wonpil's face makes Dowoon laugh gladly. "I made that bouquet. I put so much effort into it! I'm so glad your mom enjoyed it."

  
"Hyung, it was so beautiful. For real." Wonpil now looks flattered. His eyes sparkle a little.

  
"Thank you so much. You did make my day." he pauses. "I'm Wonpil, by the way."

  
"Nice to meet you! I'm Dowoon, but you already know it."

  
"Dowoon, chat less." a voice interrupts them. The younger sighs. He hates so much the morning shift. His eyes are still numb for the lack of sleep, the older can tell it. Wonpil blushes a little bit, feeling guilty.

  
"Oh, yeah, right. I don't want to put you in trouble. Let's meet up for lunch, though! You can sit with me and my friends if you don't mind."

  
"Of course! I'll finish my shift at 12.30."

  
"I'll be here, then. See you later!" Dowoon looks at him rushing out the cafeteria. A blueberry muffin and a chai latte lie, forgotten, on the counter.  
  
Jae wakes up with the noise of running water. He groans. No matter what time is it, Wonpil is always going to wake him up. Jaehyung presses his face against the pillow, trying to choke himself to eternal sleep.

  
"Wonpil, I hate you," the words are loud enough to be heard by the guy in the shower.

  
"Sorry to disappoint you, I also live here." Brian's voice is muffled. The older smiles softly. Maybe it was something in Brian's voice, the happy tone, maybe the sunny day. But, for some reason, he has the feeling this will be a good day.

  
"I hate you, Brian!" he jokes.

  
"Get up! Wonpil wants to have lunch with us." the water stops just in time to let the poet hear Jae's groaning again. Brian just rolls his eyes. Few minutes of silence before the door of the bathroom opens.

  
"Do we have to go?" Jae blinks a few times before stretching his long arms.

  
"He says he made a new friend and wants to introduce us."

  
"That's why you're all dressed up?" Jae smirks looking at his best friend. Brian's wearing his leather jacket, a white t-shirt under it. black jeans and hair well-combed. He has some bad-boy vibes - completely ruined by the kind expression on his face.

  
The wet towel hits Jae's face. "I'm dressed up because I feel good and I want to look good. Now get up, lazy ass."

  
"Gosh, I do hate you." but, with a yawn, the older obeys.  
  
When they enter the cafeteria, the place is almost complete. Brian's gaze browses the crowd, looking for Wonpil's familiar head. It takes a while and some complaining, but when Wonpil is found Brian freezes up.  
The boy is sitting at a table in the corner of the cafeteria, near the glass wall. But he isn't alone: a guy with black hair is smiling nicely at him, showing shily the braces Wonpil seems to be pointing out. Next to him, someone is looking down at his own lunch, silently.

  
"Well, now you _do_ have a reason for being all dressed up." Jae comments, sarcastically. If Brian was able to glance at him, he would. But, instead, he finds himself staring at SungJin until the latter meets his eyes.

  
"He came," he mutters, hiding a soft smile. By instinct, he scoffed in his pocket the white daisy he was holding. As usual, just one petal was left.

  
"You okay?"

  
"I am." as he says this, a sparkle lights up in his eyes.

  
"Then, let's go."

  
  
Brian takes place in front of SungJin. At this point, he couldn't hide his wide smile.

  
"I'm so glad you came," he says, ignoring completely the others.

  
"You should thank Dowoonie, then." Wonpil intrudes, making Brian turn in surprise. The biology major points to the unknown guy. "Dowoon was going to introduce us, but - well. He's SungJin."

  
"Is he? Oh my God, Wonpil, thank you so much. We didn't recognize him!" Jae just sits next to his nemesis, making both SungJin and Brian grin.

  
"Nice to meet you. I'm Brian. And this is Jae."

  
"I'm Dowoon, it's a pleasure," Brian couldn't help but notice the younger's ears turning red.

  
"So, how do you guys know each other?"

  
"We're roommates," SungJin speaks for the first time. "Dowoonie's a freshman. They couldn't find another roommate for him and since JunHyeok graduated recently, I got stuck with him."

  
"I'm not that bad." Dowoon tries to argue.

  
"Brian, he doesn't make his bed in the morning." SungJin's tone is deadly serious.

  
"I mean, what's the point? - Jae scrolls his shoulder, taking Dowoon's part. - You are going to unmake it anyway."

  
"Hygiene is the point!"

  
"You kidding me? And I have to waste my energy toward a bed which is going to be untidy again?"

  
"Your bed is always untidy because you're always in it." Wonpil starts.

  
"I would be always in it if you weren't the pain in the ass you are."

  
"Than you should thank me and buy me lunch."

  
"What?!" Jae's voice raises three octaves in shock. Brian just sighs as his roommates start arguing again.

  
"Are they always like this?" Dowoon frowns.

  
"Always. Don't worry, they enjoy it this way."

  
"They haven't changed at all." SungJin smiles.

The bitter shade doesn't remain unnoticed to Brian's eyes. Brian just smiles back. He couldn't tell why he feels so awkward in SungJin's presence. It's the feeling you have when you crave for something, yet you can't believe when it knocks at your door. When you wait for something so bad and, as soon as the day arrives, it doesn't feel real. You have just to wait. Then, just then, you can finally believe your dream came true.

  
  
SungJin has been Brian's dreams for years, now. The latter couldn't say when he fell for his best friend. The feeling just built up day after day. One time it was SungJin's eyes, then it was the strong Busan accent. One time it was the way he looked after him, then it was just how he smiled when he was singing.  
Every day SungJin made something and put a brick on another. Soon enough Brian found himself enjoying the warmth from the house he built. Whenever SungJin was by his side, he found himself smiling. Whenever he got home from school, he felt some weird feeling pressing his chest. It used to get lighter when they started to text before going to bed.  
The worst was when they got into fights: Brian couldn't help but let some tears roll down his cheek. The emptiness inside his chest suffocated him. He used to stay in his room, thinking about the silent phone, jumping in anticipation whenever he heard a notification buzz. It was SungJin the one who used to text him the goodnight, even if he was still angry.  
Brian remembers one time in particular. SungJin was so mad at him. The fight was Brian's fault and the younger just knew it. He used to tease SungJin over every small thing, and his hyung was always ready to joke about it as well. Sometimes it was his big nose that Brian had just defined "poetic". To SungJin's confused expression, he had just replied: "it's so big it could be whatever you wish". SungJin's laugh was everything he was glad for. One time, though, he crossed the line. It was a Sunday morning, they were hanging out at a small park near Brian's place.  
He couldn't even remember what was that about, but he just said: "I would abandon you". He was clearly joking. Even SungJin knew it, but that sentence got him insane.  
Without saying a word, SungJin stood up from the swing and went home. Brian's calls were useless.  
That night, when the phone buzzed, Brian jumped in his own bed. SungJin's text had just a word in it: _goodnight._ It took them a couple of days to forget about that accident, but Brian understood a thing that night. He would've never given up on SungJin.  
  
As soon as Wonpil and Jae stop arguing, the table quiets. Jae asks Dowoon a few questions, Wonpil still compliments Dowoon's cuteness.  
Everyone is eating happily, everyone but SungJin. He has no appetite, the discomfort is clenching his stomach. He couldn't help but avoid Brian's gaze.  
He has always felt vulnerable under those foxy eyes. When he promised himself he would have tried to get close to his old friends, he didn't think it would have happened that soon. He just feels uneasy - maybe it's the sense of guilt, maybe it's the constant reminder of the time he lost with them. Maybe it's Brian looks when their eyes met for the first time in that cafeteria. He looked paralyzed, yet something was shining in his pupils. He smiles as he recalls.

  
"Aren't you eating?" Brian breaks his thoughts, speaking kindly to him.

  
"I-"

  
"SungJin-ah!" a voice interrupts him. The whole table stares at the girl standing nearby. "You promised me a date today, remember?"

  
SungJin hesitates. He totally forgot.

  
Jieun smiles politely, "Hi guys, it's nice to see you again."

  
Someone cheers her from the table, but no one notices Brian's sad smile as SungJin gets up.

  
"Have fun, you guys!" he says instead, "See you around."

  
"Sure. Let's meet up, sometimes." SungJin eyes go to Brian's. Something in them makes the poet think the isn't lying.

  
With a small nod, the older excuses himself.

  
  
The table falls into an uncomfortable silence. It's Wonpil the one who breaks it.

  
"They do look pretty good together." there is some resignation in his words. With everyone's surprise, Dowoon shakes his head.

  
"They have trouble lately. Someone keeps leaving some daisies to our door. SungJin tried to hide them, but Jieun found out. She's a bit jealous, I guess."

  
"Daisies?" Wonpil looked surprised. Brian's eyes go wide.

  
"Mh-mh. I don't know why she makes a big deal out of it. The poor flowers don't even look good."

  
Brian finds himself holding his breath back. Jae's gaze is on him as he stands up.

  
"Guys, I have some work to do. Dowoon, we're having a movie night tonight. Wanna join us?"

  
"Sure thing! I'd love to. What are we gonna watch?"

  
"Some lame stuff Wonpil picked. I swear, I'm gonna scream if it's something sad again."

  
"He cried watching One Day." Wonpil whisper is not that discrete.

  
"What a snake! I didn't cry, this is outrageous."

  
"Yeah, you did." Brian cuts with a fake smile, "See you tonight!" Jae looks to his best friend walking away. In his mind everything was clear.

  
"Do you think they'll break up?" Wonpil insists, but Jae is no longer listening.

  
"No, I don't think so. SungJin-hyung loves her and everyone knows Jieun loves him too." and it was true.

  
Wonpil finds himself nodding. "Daisies are the flower of simplicity, pureness. It's the flower of loyal love and patience." the florist thinks out loud. "Whoever loves SungJin must be pretty sincere."

  
' _Yeah, he is._ ' but Jae doesn't speak up.  
  
Instead, the topic changes and everyone goes back to their lunch.


	5. Five.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Movie night and heart-to-heart talks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! It's been a long time. I don't know if someone still remembers this fic. I suddenly for aware of how weak my English is - that's why I have not updated in a long time. Today I found someone on twitter recommending it, and I can't tell how happy I was. I used to love writing this story: I wish a better writer had this prompt.  
> Here is the chapter!  
> Please, enjoy!

"Bri?" Jae says as soon as the building's door closes, leaving the delivery man behind. It's their movie night - Wonpil and Dowoon are waiting for them with their dinner. The pizzas are ordinately piled on their arms. 

"Mh?" 

Something in Jae's tone sounds deadly serious. He glances at his best friend, sincerely worried. The older's eyes are down on the floor, the frustration is all over his face. Something is off, Younghyun could tell with confidence. 

"Can I ask you something?" 

"Sure, shoot." A weak smile appears on Brian's face. It's not like he doesn't want to listen out to Jae's problems. He just feels exhausted. It hasn't been one of his finest days so far. He'd spent the afternoon pretending to study in the library, but his mind kept running to the guy with warm eyes and pierced ears. He just couldn't help the feeling around his chest. The sense of guilt has suffocated him since he got to know how his daisies were affecting SungJin's relationship. It's a persistent thought in his mind: he can't get rid of what he feels. He can't just pretend he didn't think about how wonderful would it be to get SungJin back and Jieun out of the picture. Maybe they would get their group back, maybe SungJin would stop getting awkward when he's around. Part of him, the egoistical and jealous one, wants them to break up.

How petty of him.

They walk in silence. The dinner spread a delicious smell all over the corridors as they come back to the room. Jae doesn't speak, Brian doesn't urge him to. He just waits, letting his own thoughts filling the stillness. Dowoon and Wonpil are waiting for them, the movie night is about to start. But they keep walking calmly. 

"I don't know how to put everything into words." Jae finally talks, uncertainly. Brian shoots him a concerned look. "How do you cope with that?" 

"What do you mean?" the younger looks genuinely confused, but the hold around the pizzas thighs in embarrassment. The literature major can hear his heart beating fast into the chest. 

Jae doesn't answer. Instead, his expression changes suddenly - his eyes catching something Brian hasn't noticed yet.

Down to the corridor, someone closed their room door. As soon as SungJin eyes land to his best friend figure, a slight smile caresses his lips.

"Hey, man," Jae greets SungJin with a wide smile. "Just came back?"

The music major shyly smiles as he approaches them.

"Yeah, I just left her at her dorm. I was looking for Dowoon, but I guess he's already at yours?" he pauses as he looks at Brian's nodding. "Well, is there a slice of pizza for me by any chance?" 

Brian's eyes light up with surprise. Before he could stop himself, his lips are open in a wide smile. He couldn't recall the last time they had a movie night with the whole gang. Probably it was sometime near the year before when SungJin and Jieun just got together. 

"Sure, there is. I hope you can cope with the onions' smell from Wonpil's." 

"I thought it was just a phase. That kid can't keep ordering that one."

"I know!" Jae agrees eagerly. "But he doesn't listen to me. Ever. I keep telling him it's disgusting."

"Do you still enjoy the one with pineapple?" SungJin's question has Brian snorting with laughter. 

"Shut up." 

SungJin's laugh is loud and sincere. For just an instant, it sounds like anything has ever changed. The music major finds himself thinking how much he missed this. 

They watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, at the end of the movie, Wonpil is ugly-crying in Dowoon's t-shirt. It's not a secret how clingy Wonpil can get, but how he and Dowoon stick together immediately has something unbelievable. They have been close during the whole movie, sometimes giggling on their own. SungJin looks surprised too. Sometimes Brian has caught him sending amused looks to them. 

But there is a person who has been awfully silent all night long. Jae is sitting on his bed, the pizza is still on his legs, half-eaten. Normally Jae would be quietly crying, given how touching the movie is. But now he isn't - Brian guesses something, or someone, is just distracting him. 

"I just love this movie," SungJin breaks the silence as soon as the credits are on the screen. "It's so meaningful."

Brian looks at him, surprised. "I didn't know you were a sap."

"Shut up, I've always been like that." 

And all of them know he was right. SungJin has never been that kind of person who speaks loudly about his feelings. He likes to keep everything to himself and talking out loud just when he figures things out. But he has his own way to express his affection and his own idea of romance. The poet remembers too well how the older used to scold him when he overstressed himself over school tests. 

"Love always wins, kids." Brian teases. 

"Nah, it's not like that. I mean, we'll never know if they will get to fall in love again." SungJin rolls his eyes, but speak seriously. "It's just amazing the effort he makes to take care of all the memories. The bad ones as much as the good ones." 

"Not gonna lie, I'd hate someone if he did something like that to me," Wonpil speaks out loud, still wiping his tears. "Everyone makes mistakes, but nobody deserves to be canceled."

"True." Dowoon just agrees. "But I can see why she did that, though." 

"That's also true," Jae speaks up for the first time, making them all look at him. His expression looks confused, "What?" 

"Nothing, you've been very silent tonight." Wonpil points out. The other just shrugs. 

"I'm tired, and the movie was very nice." 

"So, do you admit you liked the movie I chose?" 

But when Wonpil's teasing gets no other answer than a sigh, Brian and SungJin exchange a look - somehow both of them knowing what the other was thinking. 

The next day, Brian and Jae are studying in the library. But Jae's been quieter than the night before, his eyes tired. 

"Hey, let's take a break." 

"We got here one hour ago, Bri."

"The weather is nice, and you've been staring at the same page for half an hour." the literature major points out with a grave tone. "Let's take a break."

Jae doesn't protest. Instead, he picks up his books and follows him outside. 

The weather is no different from any other spring day. A fresh breeze makes the hot sun bearable. There are a lot of people outside: some have their late lunch with friends, others are trying to read some school books without getting distracted. Daisies are now everywhere, and bees are enjoying their pollen. 

"My allergy is going to kill me." Jae's groans as they sit under a tree. 

"Did you take your antihistamine?"

"I did. You sound like SungJin."

"Well, I thought you'd say your mom, but I guess it works too." Brian laughs. 

"Well, he came back like two days ago, and he texted me this morning asking if I had slept." Jae rolls his eyes, but a smile is noticeable on the lips. "That guy was born a parent."

"He'd say he just knows his kids." Brian pauses. He wonders how he should approach the topic. "Jae, did you want to ask me something last night?"

The other's eyes instantly lose their brightness from the moment before. "Yeah."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

The blond guy shakes his head. "No, I don't. But I feel like it's eating me alive." he sighs.

It's not the first time Jae asks him to talk about something. Actually, they do heart-to-heart periodically. Most of the time it's Brian asking him to listen to his venting about how stressful classes get. Somehow, SungJin's name always shows up. Other times, it's Jae that needs to talk about how he can't bear any more expectations on him. During those talks, something always was left unspoken. Brian hasn't ever asked.

"How can you bear seeing SungJin with someone else?" those words get the literature major frozen. He never talks about his feelings for SungJin. Somehow, he's scared they'd become even more real. The foxy eyes are locked to the grass, looking for some particular flower.

"What do you mean?" 

"You know what I mean."

Brian nods. Yeah, he knows. Jae's asking how he can talk to SungJin knowing too well they'll never get together. He's asking how he can still crave his presence when at the end of the day, he'll always come back to his girlfriend. He's asking about the daisies and the poems. 

  
"I guess I just want to see him happy," he answers. But his tone sounds uncertain. "I won't say it doesn't hurt, but I don't have any rights to confess my feelings."

"Why?" Jae's eyes are full of hurt. Brian can see the point. 

"Because he has a girlfriend. If I could go back, I'd say everything." his tongue caresses his lips. Suddenly his mouth feels so dry. "Back then I was scared it would ruin our friendship. But in retrospect, I now know something was about to break it anyway. My train has passed. I want to have him back, I can't risk ruining something now."

"Do you think I should confess to Wonpil?" when those words escape Jae's mouth, Brian picks up a daisy from the ground. Slowly he starts to pull off each petal. _He loves me. He loves me not._

"Yeah, I think so," The younger smiles. "I think you should tell him. Wonpil has a kind heart."

Jae nods, and silence falls between them. Brian's mind runs to his friends: Wonpil would never reject Jae. Everyone could tell how he loves being around the older. No matter how much they bicker, Wonpil is always looking for Jae. And Jae's attempts to get rid of that clingy friend have always been too weak. Wonpil forces himself on Jae's lap every time they watch a drama together - and Jae ends up giving up his personal space. Sometimes he doesn't even try to tell him off. 

Brian's smile dims when he rips the second last petal. _He loves me._

The last one carries some bad news. 

"Jae?" he calls. Probably it's time to give away his secret. "You know the game 'Loves me, loves me not', right?" he asks. Jae nods silently. Brian notices the frown on his forehead.

"You pick up a flower and, little by little, you pull off one petal a time. _He loves me,_ the first one. _He loves me not,_ the second one. And then he loves me again, the third one. When you do this game, you won't ever start with the 'loves me not'. You could, but you won't. You always begin with positive thoughts. That's why when the last petal is a 'loves me not', I leave the flower on his desk: he will pull off the petal and say 'he loves me'. Because I do." he pauses. 

The breeze blesses them with some fresh air, but Brian feels like he can't breathe. He doesn't look at his friend. His eyes keep staring at the daisy between his fingers. What should he do with that? Leaving it to SungJin's dorm would cost another fight to the couple. Could he be that petty?

"And that's why I just leave the flower on a bench or in the grass when the last petal says 'he loves me'." he continues. His voice is as loud as a whisper. The wind looks determined to take it away. Maybe it'll get to SungJin's ears. Or maybe it will go far away and those feelings will get forgotten. 

For now, those words are real. So real it hurts. 

"Because he doesn't."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please, leave a comment and let me know what you think about this story.


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